What to do if my son does not want to be separated from me

When a son does not want to separate from the mother or father It’s definitely because they feel a little emotional dependence, which isn’t negative at all when they’re small. For this reason, both parents and children have such a hard time when children have to be left in the nursery for the first time because the little one does not want to be separated from his parents.

If you are a mother, you know that the affectionate bond that exists between mother and baby is not only strong, but almost indestructible. If you have cared for your baby all the time during the first year of life (together with your partner of course), then you also know that this bond has become even stronger. But when the first months of life are over, children can feel great fear when they are separated from the mother. Then, What to do if my son doesn’t want to divorce me?

Father’s time, always

There are children who go through that phase that every mother/father knows: “mom phase” or “daddy phase”. We may think that being locked up with the child 24 hours a day can satisfy his desire, but no, we should not be tempted. In fact, we should try to do the opposite.

Many parents have gone through these phases in the past two years, when the Covid 19 crisis forced us to stay inside for a long time. The pandemic and lockdown it made them much more dependent, to love mommy or daddy for everything: school activities, games, everything; and vice versa, to also participate in parent activities, working at Zoom, yoga classes, online purchases, really everything.

It can be charming to us that they want be with us but it is not healthy in the long run. Experts in child psychology say that it is normal for the child to develop a preference for one of the parents in moments of crisis or fear, which, as it were, rearms his comfort zone. If before your child was “mother’s baby” the pandemic has made this situation worse and today he still says we need to get out.

And we must know that if the child does not want to be separated from us behind it lies a certain amount of power and control. If we don’t just change the situation we authorize to our son and we reaffirm that “it’s what he wants, who he wants and when he wants it”.

There are children for whom this happens early, such as after nine months, and others (as in the case of my son), who are from a year and a half and even a little more, when they can feel this great fear of separation, something that makes them and their mothers and fathers also feel bad. A separation crisis is a common part of child development. It can start around eight months and peak at 14 or 18 months, but it usually fades away in early childhood.

if your son experiencing separation anxiety He’s likely to cry when someone he doesn’t know wants to pick him up, and if he manages to do that, he’ll just look for you and call you to return to your arms. If this happens to your young child, don’t worry, as it is something that, as we said, will almost magically disappear once the child crosses the three-year threshold.

But if you feel bad and your child becomes very irritable, You can follow these tips on what to do if your child doesn’t want to be separated from you:

• Instill calmness to your child and don’t get upset, remember this is normal.
• Your son doesn’t understand the concept of time, so he thinks if you leave you won’t come back, that’s why he’s tormented.
• One idea is to get your child used to spending time with people other than your family and friends.
• If you’re going somewhere (even if it’s just for a little while), always let him know, even if you think he’s not paying attention or that he doesn’t understand you.
• If you have to say goodbye to go to work or leave him at school, don’t prolong the moment and when you see him again, show him your great joy and if you can, stay with him for a while on that new one place before parting. That will lower your stress.
• You can give him something he wants, a toy, a doll, a pillow or a blanket. These items will help you feel more secure. Gradually you can take them off.
• Tell whoever you leave your child (family member, friend or institution) that the child is anxious when separated from you and show what you are doing to solve it.
• Never show that you are sad because you have to leave him.
• . Don’t get angry because he or she is afraid of breaking up. It’s not your fault.
• You can read him a made-up story where the main character feels the same as him so that he identifies. That will help him, but also you, so you can discover how your son feels.

After, to the extent that the child is in pre-school and school age, this fear will not be present. Of course there will always be times when he wants to be alone with you: when he’s sick, when he feels bad… Should you be concerned at any time, even though we say that this situation is normal?

You should only take action if you think your child has developed separation anxiety disorder. Only 4% of preschool and school-age children develop it, and One way to find out is when:

• the child’s fear interferes with his life and that of your family
• is more serious than that of children his age
• He hasn’t left in at least four months.

If we compare a child with separation anxiety disorder to others of the same age, they would usually be able to: worry about getting hurt or having an accident when they are not with you, they don’t want to stay in school, they don’t want to sleep in other places or without you, complain about being sicks when they are gone. Only then can they think of the help of a professional who can be the teacher, a school counselor, the pediatrician.